July 21, 2006

Poetic License

As we all suffer through this heat wave, with no rain in sight I thought I'd share this poem, Texas Heat, by an anonomous author first published in Stephenville Newspaper. But first a few one liners that I hope it makes you smile and that you stay cool this hot weekend.
You know you are in Texas during the summertime when: The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. Hot water now comes out of both taps. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron. You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window. You actually burn your hand opening the car door. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground. The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The devil wanted a place on earth, sort of a summer home.
A place to spend his vacation, whenever he wanted to roam.
So, he picked out Texas, a place both wretched and rough.
Where the climate was to his liking, and the cowboys were hardened and tough.
He dried up the streams in the canyons, and ordered no rains to fall.
He dried up the lakes in the valleys, then baked and scorched it all.
Then, over his barren country, he transplanted shrubs from hell.
The cactus, thistle, and prickly pear, the climate suited them well.
Now, the home was much to his liking, but animal life he had none.
So, he created crawling creatures, that all mankind would shun.
First, he made a rattlesnake, with its forked, poisonous tongue;
Taught it to strike and rattle, and how to swallow its young.
Then, he made scorpions and lizards, and the ugly old horned toad.
He placed spiders of every description, under rocks by the side of the road.
He ordered the sun to shine hotter, hotter and hotter still.
Until even the cactus wilted, and the old horned toad took ill.
Then, he gazed on his earthly kingdom, as any creature would.
He chuckled a little up his sleeve, and admitted that it was good.
'Twas summer, now, and Satan lay, by a prickly pear to rest.
The sweat rolled off his sweaty brow, so he took off his coat and vest.
"By Golly," he finally panted, "I did my job too well.
I'm going back to where I came from, TEXAS IS HOTTER THAN HELL!

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